Take it all...

For the most part, the last 20 years of life have been unpredictable. My first realization that this was the way it was to be came no later than the night after Paul and I were married. Somehow it did not occur to me that tying the knot of matrimony meant unraveling every other relationship in our lives and seeing them woven into a new tapestry. Not that I would do this any other way, but I have to admit that I grieved those changes almost as much as I celebrated the newness of our marriage.
Then, before I could catch my breath, came the evidence and blessing of our marriage, my four wonderful children. Every one of them has brought a different dynamic into our family...each with it's challenges and triumphs...each one altered the relationships between those that preceded them...in good ways and some difficult ways...again, not that I would have it any differently, but then who asked me anyway...soon, I will post bios for them all...they are all beautiful gifts.
The Kids are self-sufficient these days and I find myself unbound by responsibilities that I had in past. Suddenly I am asking myself who I am and what I should do. We had just gotten into a groove here. Now,everything that I could anticipate and everything that I found my identity in has changed again. We are down from 10 loads of laundry a week to just a few. Our grocery bill is less than it has been in years, despite inflation. The house is quieter and cleaner. The conversations revolve around the life that Paul and I have beyond the kids...this is uncharted territory and it leaves me feeling exposed...open...like I blew my cover.
So where can I hide? Well, as it turns out, I did learn a few things along the way. I figured out at some point, to search for truth anywhere else, but in Truth, is to find nothing worth knowing. I did learn that to put the label of "mom" or "wife" in front of "child of God" is to place a target on my self-worth. I did learn that despite the chaos of every day, there are moments to be found in a safe harbor (albeit, these are sometimes unconventional times and places). And I did learn while I deserve nothing, I have been given so much...so much. To look at life through this lens allows me to see everything as a gift...and it also stirs in incredible desire to GIVE to others. I can't help it! Until there is nothing left to give....